7/5

1. In Germany, a man has been arrested for tearing the head off a new Hitler statue in a wax museum. And the guy was only the second person to ever enter the exhibit. Now what was the first guy thinking? [calm voice] “Oh look, it’s Hitler. [Switch voice and actions to the guy growling and twisting the head off - “Arrgghh!!”] [Back to calm first person] Man, that crazed animatronic Russian soldier is really lifelike! I didn’t know that was how Hitler died.”

2. Officials in China have ordered 40 factories to close, so the air quality will be better during the Olympics. The factories will make up for the closures by opening 40 new plants in the United States.

3. Ashley Dupre, the escort who was involved with former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, has dropped a lawsuit against Girls Gone Wild for using her in its new DVD. I assume the new DVD is called “Girls Gone A Little Too Wild”.

4. In Great Britain, a short little note written by the Queen Mother asking for two bottles of gin has sold for around $30,000. The note was given to a servant known as, this is true, Backstairs Billy. You know, that doesn’t sound like one of those affectionate nicknames. You usually don’t give friendly nicknames like “Rain Gutter Randy” or “Dungeon Dave”. Maybe that’s why he saved the note - he was getting ready to blackmail the Queen Mother for alcoholism.

5. A Japanese sailor has gone from Hawaii to Japan in a boat using only wave power. He hooked up generators to 500 Japanese schoolgirls and harnessed the tremendous power of all those bye-byes.