7/4

1. Researchers say that people taking psychedelic mushrooms continue feeling the ‘spiritual’ effects a year later. Not unlike eating the new Gatorade-flavored Doritos, though those tend to make people believe in hell.

2. Scientists now say that the planet Mercury has shrunk by one mile in diameter since it was born. This is due to the inner core cooling off. That’s the opposite of former pro athletes, who after their inner cores cool off, seem to expand to almost double their previous size.

3. Direct flights between China and Taiwan have now begun. The flights are only on weekends - not because the governments want to go slow, but because these days, almost no one can afford plane tickets.

4. Today, Joey Chestnut won the annual hot dog eating contest at Coney Island. In 10 minutes, Chestnut and his main rival, Takeru Kobayashi, each ate 59 hot dogs. Or to put it another way, a month’s supply of food for someone in East Africa.

5. Look at our politicians greeting hostages. [Show solemn handshake.] Now look at this picture of French President Nicolas Sarkozy and the recently released French hostage Ingrid Betancourt from Colombia. [Show BBC photo, which makes it look like the two are lovers slow dancing.] Now the French know how to greet a hostage!