1. A new study says that loud bar music makes customers drink more, so some people want bars to lower the volume. Are they aware of how bars make money? “You know that thing you do that makes people buy more of what you’re selling? We’d like you to stop doing that.”
2. The government has now traced a salmonella outbreak to fresh jalapeno peppers. Some of the symptoms of salmonella are abdominal pain, diarrhea, nausea -- you know, some people just get that from jalapeno peppers.
3. A new study shows that the media gives more coverage to Obama than McCain. However, they later learned it was just that more McCain supporters fall asleep before the news comes on.
4. A judge threw out the fine that CBS had to pay for Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction awhile back. It was a judgment malfunction. That’s good, because they were looking to apply for a presidential pardon.
5. A man trying to spray for bugs in his apartment blew the apartment up instead. That was the bugs’ plan for exterminating him.
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