1. After getting hit by a car in Australia, a koala hung on for seven miles before someone spotted it. And it wasn’t hurt! But that’s not what surprised me. What surprised me was that the koala is being treated for the clap (true). Which makes me wonder a few things. One, what the hell was the car owner doing with that car so the koala got the clap? Two, why are animal clinics checking for STDs? Three, does this happen a lot in Australia? Maybe they need more women.
2. World Youth Day, a giant Catholic youth festival, is happening now in Australia. It’s the biggest influx of Catholicism into Australia since Mel Gibson’s ego.
3. Angelina Jolie’s father, John Voight, said that he is “just as excited as everyone else” about Jolie’s twins. Isn’t that a weird thing for a grandfather to say? Since 99% of the world’s population doesn’t care, if you took an average of everyone, his excitement would be almost zero.
4. A judge ruled today that YouTube doesn’t have to hand over user IDs to Viacom, but it still has to give our search histories. Great. Viacom says it can’t tell who the users are, but when you have a user history that combines “Mt. Carmel church picnic Hoboken” and “XXX tranny dwarves”, the options of who it might be get kind of small. I think Viacom stands for “Violate our Computers”.
5. President Bush said today that the only thing standing between offshore oil and the American people is Congress… and their consciences. Which means we’re all screwed.
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