1. A new study says that eating lots of soy food, like tofu, can severely reduce sperm count. Yeah, that explains why population growth has always been so hard for the Chinese.
2. In Germany today, Barack Obama said that America and Europe had drifted apart, and it was time for them to come together again. So he proposed a plan to reverse the direction of continental drift and reattach the two land masses. [Show graphic of Europe and North America stuck together.] He also proposed putting money into dinosaur regeneration.
3. So Max Mosley, the head of the F1 racing association, has won a lawsuit against the News of the World tabloid, which falsely claimed that he was part of a Nazi sex party. He was in a sex party, but there was no Nazi theme to it. However, the editor of the tabloid said that the story was justified, because “taking part in… S&M orgies does not, in our opinion, constitute the fit and proper behavior to be expected of someone in Mosley’s hugely influential position.” Fit and proper? Sort of like how the editor of a newspaper shouldn’t let a headline like “F1 Boss Has Sick Nazi Orgy With 5 Hookers” go on their front page without any frigging proof? That kind of ’fit and proper’?
4. In New Zealand, a judge made a girl a ward of the court so that she could change her name. Her parents named her, this is true, Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. That’s her name! Did her parents make a deal with God that if the horse with that name won that day, they’d name their child after it?
5. Ford Motor Company recently released figures showing that it lost $8.7 billion in the last three months. One of the main reasons was that people aren’t buying the F-150 brand pickup truck, although it has been selling better than the FNU-Over brand pickup truck.
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