1. A high school marching band girl in California beat up two muggers with her marching baton. That explains all those moves out on the field -- it’s a martial art! Forget kung fu! Learn marching band style.
2. John Edwards’ wife says that learning about his affair made her ill. Yeah, join the club.
3. Speaking about the swine flu, Vice President Joe Biden said: “I wouldn’t go anywhere in confined spaces now.” Yes, it must be nice to work at home. So all you millions who have to commute -- screw that! Hopefully this means car-trunk kidnappings will be down.
4. Reports are saying that Microsoft is giving its new Windows 7 some “spit and polish”. That’s because it actually has gears and belts inside.
5. Human rights protesters are gathering at the White House. They’re upset that all this attention is being paid to swine flu. What about human flu? We need our rights protected too.
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