1. The favorite horse to win the Kentucky Derby this year is named “I Want Revenge”. It’s jointly owned by everyone with a savings account at Citibank.
2. TimeWarner is going to spin off the internet division America Online. Apparently advertising has fallen at America Online, because no one uses it anymore.
3. In Kenya, a group of women is encouraging wives to deny their husbands sex until the husbands agree to get along politically. If that doesn’t work, well, then at least the population will vanish and the problem will be solved that way too. One way or another, there’s going to be an end to the fighting.
4. A new study says that taking aspirin could cut your risk of cancer, because if you don’t have headaches, you won’t want to smoke as much.
5. Microsoft has officially declared that it is not going to make a phone, because it wants to avoid its customers communicating with each other.
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