1. An extreme animal rights activist from California has been added to the FBI’s Most Wanted list. So if you see the man pictured here, please call the police immediately. He may give himself up peacefully if the price is right.
2. Obama says he’s going to bring the leaders of Israel and the Palestinians to Washington. Oh wow! Netanyahu and Hamas together at the bargaining table! Oh, wait, he means Mahmoud Abbas, the man whose party lost both the Palestinian election and a recent civil war. Hmm, yes. That’s like Britain saying:: “Hey, we’re going to bring together the leaders of China and the United States!” And then inviting John McCain.
3. A new device lets long-distance couples be intimate by using lights to simulate the presence of the other person. Um, don’t we already have that? Isn’t it called video?
4. Google is now going to base a lot of its search results on pictures. Which means no matter what you search for, you’re going to start connecting to a lot of sites on drinking and flashing breasts.
5. A new report by the International Monetary Fund says that the banking crisis will lead to losses of $4 kajillion dollars. They’re calling on everyone to just give all their money to the banks. All of it. Every penny. And if you don’t, then you’re not American.
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