1. There’s a new spray that can prolong how long men can have sex by 600%. But it works by numbing the penis so you can’t feel anything. That’s like saying you can extend a gourmet meal by 600% -- just spray the food with manure.
2. Newspapers now are getting hurt because the website Craigslist is taking away their classified ads. To compete with Craigslist, newspapers are going to start offerings ads to prostitutes too.
3. Newly released records show that the president of Russia owns two parking places. That’s not impressive. I own at least ten parking spaces - if you count my lawn. When my cousin comes over, you can sometimes count my living room.
4. Apple is going to raise prices for music through its iTunes. Because people just have way too much disposable income now. Great timing!
5. The Beatles back catalog is going to be remastered for the first time in two decades. Mainly because the two surviving Beatles can’t play the songs very well anymore. They have to remaster them.
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