1. An article on how scratching relieves itching said it was little understood “although it is widely known that scratching relieves an itch”. Really? Are there people who don’t know this? Dogs know this! Are there people out there going [act out hitting itchy spot with wrist and fist]. They’re out buying lotions - “Oh my god, it itches! Help!”
2. Today, Chris Brown pleaded not guilty to charges that he assaulted Rihanna. Later it became clear that he misunderstood - he just meant that he doesn’t feel guilty about it.
3. Did you hear about this dog in Australia whose owners lost her at sea, then she swam to an uninhabited island and lived for four months by hunting baby goats? My god, my dog can’t even deal with thunder.
4. Iran’s president says that he will have “good news” about Iran’s nuclear research this week. What makes me think this is going to be a good news / bad news sort of thing?
5. Did you hear about this man who stole a plane from a flight school and then tried to hide it under a bridge? Under a bridge? It’s a plane! This isn’t a penny. “Oh, no one will find it under here!” And did he think he was going to come back for it? He thought it was like hiding your wallet in your hotel room.
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