4/2

1. Michelle Obama spoke to a group of schoolgirls in London today, telling them: “We are counting on every single one of you to be the best that you can be.” Then she added: “So that when you run for political office, someone like my husband can defeat you.”

2. In Germany, a nudist hotel is opening. Now, nudists also call themselves naturists. Which is not the same as naturalists. That missing “al” is crucial. It’s the difference of where you get your mosquito bites. Like al-ong your you-know-what.

3. A new study says that sisters make people happy. Especially when they’re naked. I knew a couple of sisters who made me very happy.

4. After a new anti-piracy law was passed in Sweden, piracy dropped by 25%. That makes sense. After you pass a law making something illegal, it usually becomes… illegal.

5. The new movie about the superhero Wolverine has been leaked onto the internet. However, the version on the internet has no computer special effects yet, so the climactic fight scene still looks like this: