4/14

1. Analysts say that until unemployment rates go down, the economy will not improve. Gee, thanks for that! I had no idea. I hear that without jobs, people aren’t going to be commuting to work as much either.

2. Other experts say that economic data is usually at its worst just before it starts to change. Yeah, that’s what ‘change’ means. If it was improving before the ‘change’, then it wouldn’t be change. It would be what is known as ‘continuation’.

3. General Motors is recalling 1.5 million vehicles because their engines might catch on fire. Now if only GM would catch on fire. No, I mean that metaphorically! Have you been to Detroit? People have already done it in the literal sense.

4. Caroline Kennedy was apparently a nominee for ambassador to the Vatican. Will this woman ever try to get into political office by an election? Is she a germophobe? Maybe she's afraid of shaking all those hands.

5. People are calling Mel Gibson’s upcoming divorce a “billion-dollar” divorce. A billion? He shouldn’t go to Somalia.