1. Did you hear about this plane in Washington that safely crash-landed onto a bunch of port-o-potties? Well, when you gotta go, you gotta go. The crash was also softened when the toilets turned out to be full of Charmin.
2. Somali pirates have now seized a Greek ship. I hear they entered the ship from behind.
3. Doctors are now warning that if you have flu symptoms and have recently visited areas of Mexico, you should get medical advice. Well, I’ve got flu-like symptoms, and I recently went into a restaurant kitchen in Manhattan. Does that count?
4. So Obama is now going to get to pick a new Supreme Court justice. There are suggestions that he may pick someone from Chicago. Well, judges in Chicago certainly have experience with big cases.
5. Reports say that billionaire investor Warren Buffet is going to face tough questions at his annual shareholders’ meeting. Apparently he lost money this past year. Shocking! What a hack! You don’t see anyone else losing money this year.
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