1. The crown of the Statue of Liberty is going to reopen on the 4th of July. Finally, I’m going to be able to get inside the head of a woman!
2. A new study says that female gorillas clap to communicate. Which means the only difference between them and humans is that we have standing ovations.
3. Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to appear in the new Terminator movie, but as a computer special effect. But hasn’t he always been a special effect? Maybe they can use computers to improve his pronunciation.
4. Sikh policemen in Britain, with the turbans on their heads, want to develop bulletproof turbans. Yeah, like right-wing conspiracy theorists don’t have enough to get crazy about.
5. Kentucky Fried Chicken has had to give people rain checks after they had too many people using coupons for free meals. The chickens of America were grateful.
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