1. President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran has begun his presidential campaign. He has a very busy schedule. At 11 a.m. there’s a barbecue of the American flag, then a talk at the Qom chapter of Women for the Death of Israel. And in the afternoon he’ll be judging a watermelon-eating contest.
2. The next head of NASA is going to be its first permanent African-American leader, which has white supremacist groups up in arms. “First they got America with Obama, and now they have outer space? We’re done for!”
3. President Obama is looking for a Supreme Court justice who understands the “practical day-to-day” results of living. He cited the controversial 2006 ruling that required all parakeets in Michigan to wear dildos. Yes, it IS in the Constitution, buried in a little known passage discussing postage stamps, but it’s very difficult in a practical sense.
4. Some congressmen are saying that climate change is not important as healthcare right now. But isn’t climate change about healthcare for the planet? We need Earth healthcare.
5. The new “Night at the Museum” sequel beat the new “Terminator” movie at the box office, showing once again that the manufacturing industry is having a bad year. The government should help bail out the psychopathic robot industry.
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