1. A new study says that the painter Vincent Van Gogh did not cut off his own ear. Instead, another painter, Paul Gauguin, cut it off with a sword during a fight. They agreed to not tell the police, so that Gauguin would not get in trouble. Excuse me? HE CUT OFF YOUR EAR! “Oh, hey man, sorry. You’re not going to tell anyone, are you?” I have to say -- I have some good friends. But if they cut off my ear -- with a sword -- ON PURPOSE -- all bets are off. What kind of dirt did Gauguin have on Van Gogh that he would agree to this? He makes Dick Cheney look like an amateur.
2. A new male contraceptive has been developed, where the men get a shot that limits the production of sperm. Yeah, I got a shot like that on the playground in the fifth grade. Well, maybe it was more like a kick.
3. The U.S. is continuing to push Israel about the "two-state solution", in which Israel agrees to stop oppressing the Palestinians, and in exchange, we give them the two states of Idaho and Vermont.
4. Scientists in Britain have built a Formula 3 racing car made from vegetables. The whole thing is made from vegetables! Tall about playing with your food. And it’s fueled with chocolate. What a waste of perfectly good chocolate.
5. Washington DC has now said it will recognize same-sex marriages from other states. Former mayor Marion Barry voted against the law. He said that he resents being called a bigot for opposing the law. Yes, I’m sure most bigots do.
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