A new study shows that chemicals in cancerous tumors can cause depression. Really? I always thought those people got depressed because they HAD CANCER!
Well, it looks like another setback for American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert. If he stays home in California, he’ll never get married. The California Supreme Court upheld Proposition 8, which bans same-sex marriage. So some of the states that now allow gay marriage are Massachusetts, Maine, Iowa… This might be the first time you ever hear someone in Hollywood say: “I’m tired of this redneck state! Let’s move to Iowa.”
The video-sharing website YouTube said that one day this week people put hundreds of pornographic videos on the site. That was good news, though, because it was the lowest number ever. Usually people put thousands.
The great yoga master Pattabhi Jois died this week. Luckily they’ll save money on the coffin, because they can just roll him up in a ball.
A new study shows that crows can use tools in a variety of situations, are very intelligent, and are amazing at problem solving. Great, even more competition in the job market.
In France, the Church of Scientology is on trial for defrauding a woman out of her money. But I don’t think she should get her cash back just for renting “Jerry Maguire”.
After a long silence, the police finally released information on a group of American terrorists who wanted to bomb synagogues, saying that they are “extremely violent” and “eager to bring death to Jews”. Really? I never would have guessed that. I thought they had a thing against six-pointed stars. Maybe they were fundamentalist geometry teachers. “Stars should only have five points!”
The Somali pirate captured by the U.S. Navy last month says that he’s innocent. Yeah, he was just out for a swim. A hundred miles from shore. He’s tired of the Kenyans winning all those marathons, so he decided to become a triathlete.
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran has begun his presidential campaign. He has a very busy schedule. At 11 a.m. there’s a barbecue of the American flag, then a talk at the Qom chapter of Women for the Death of Israel. And in the afternoon he’ll be judging a watermelon-eating contest.
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