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1. Bank stress tests have now been released, and Bank of America is in a lot of trouble. But then the government revealed that they actually meant it in the plural: Banks of America.

2. A new study says that the United States has more zombie computers than any other country in the world. And thanks to Apple, we also have the most computer users who are zombies.

3. McDonald’s is launching a $100 million campaign to promote its coffee drinks, in order to compete with Starbucks. And in response, Starbucks has begun offering their version of Quarter Pounders, which they call “Quarti Poundezzas”.

4. Russia has expelled two Canadian diplomats because NATO expelled two Russian diplomats for spying. Look, isn’t there already enough unemployment in the world?

5. Coca Cola says that just two people know the secret formula to its soda. That means we only have to kill two...