1. Time Warner and AOL are now finally going to split. The head of Time Warner said that AOL can now fulfill its potential to be “a leading independent internet company”. Yeah, my girlfriend told me something like that just before she dumped me too. “I don’t think you can fulfill your potential in this relationship.”
2. The prime minister of Italy insists that he has NOT had an affair with an underage girl and will resign if he turns out to be lying. I like that he feels he should be thrown out for lying, but not necessarily for the statutory rape.
3. The Catholic priest who was caught making out with his girlfriend on a beach in Miami has, surprise, decided to become an Anglican. Man, after all this, why not just go all the way and become a Mormon? Gay Catholic priests often become Anglican too. The Anglicans are kind of like the Marines -- they’ll take the people other religions don’t want.
4. Malaria in Cambodia is now becoming resistant to drugs, and one of the main reasons is that criminals sell fake drugs, which help strengthen parasites. Wonderful. Maybe they can join up with the Somali pirates and attack some food-aid ships.
5. A group of blonde women in Latvia is going to hold a parade to make people there feel better about the recession. They thought about doing that in New York too, but couldn’t find enough natural blondes.
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