9/9

1. A new online version of the game Monopoly is played over a map of the whole world. Players can sabotage each other by building dumps, prisons, or wind farms next door. Wind farms. If you’d like to play, just write to Global Monopoly, c/o Exxon. Not to be confused with Exxon’s normal business division, which is also called Global Monopoly.

2. A state lawmaker from Southern California has been caught on tape bragging about having sex with female lobbyists. That’s like bragging about the hot stripper you met at a club. She’s not giving you a lap dance because she likes you. “Oh yeah, I could tell she was getting into it.” Sure, if by “it”, you mean “your wallet / vote”. Although to be fair, the lobbyists were from CHA -- the California Hypnotists Association.

3. In Ohio, a man robbed a woman, then came back a couple hours later to ask her for a date. What was his first line? “Your father must have been a thief… because I met him in prison.” “Let me take you out to dinner. I’ve got plenty of cash and credit cards. Now.”

4. A new film reveals that a female high jumper on the 1936 German Olympic team was a man (below). He says the Nazis made him do it. Yeah, they might have planned it, but something tells me they didn’t have to try very hard to convince you.

















5. A new study says most people sleep better by themselves than with a partner. Then why does Hugh Hefner always look so well rested?