1. Sudan has jailed a woman for wearing trousers. What a backward country! Condemning a woman because of the pants she wears!
2. Van Jones, the White House’s green jobs czar, resigned after the media discovered he had signed a 9/11 Truth petition and supported communism. Said the White House: “After an extremely thorough background check, we think there will be zero controversy about our next green jobs czar -- Louis Farrakhan.”
3. In France, some scientists believe that toxic gas from rotting seaweed might have caused a couple recent deaths. However, other scientists believe that French beachgoers just need to shower more. “What’s that smell?” “Oh, it must be the seaweed.”
4. Japan’s new prime minister announced an ambitious plan to cut greenhouse gases. He said it was very important to him, because his wife knows what greenhouse gases can do to a planet, since she’s been to Venus:
5. A new species of giant rat has been found in a South Pacific volcano. Scientists said that huge rats like to cluster around holes that explode hot liquid, like my bathtub drain. The rat’s scientific name hasn’t been decided yet, but among housecats, its Latin name will be Thatfriggingthingjus Scaredtheholycrapoutofus.
No comments:
Post a Comment