1. Someone is suing Bank of America for (true) “1,784 billion trillion dollars”. The reason? When he called the bank, he had to speak to a “Spanish womn”. At least the Spanish woman knew how to spell. A professor at New York University said (true): “These are the kind of numbers you deal with only on a cosmic scale.” He added: “Or counting calories at the Cheesecake Factory.”
2. A jury decided that a trailer home issued by the feds in Louisiana did not contain harmful fumes. Apparently, the plaintiff’s daughter was just using the trailer as a nail salon.
3. Four Congressmen from New Jersey are accused of pushing FDA approval of an unsafe knee patch. Being from Jersey, this was their way of breaking kneecaps.
4. Police faced hundreds of marchers at the G-20 summit yesterday, who were protesting the recent right-wing monopoly of crazy irrational protests. Six protestors were treated for medical conditions, including two for heat exhaustion. “Fuck the system! Fuck the… woah, I’m feeling a little light-headed. Could you drive me to the hospital?” Some protestors also complained that pepper spray made their eyes water. Yeah, that’s because it’s pepper spray. What did you think was going to happen? “Mmm, love the smell of pepper. Is this a new incense?”
5. Twitter is now worth $1 billion. In fact, economists predict that soon it will be impossible to write the worth of Twitter in a Twitter message.
No comments:
Post a Comment