1. In South Africa, a company got so upset about slow internet speeds that it decided to send information by carrier pigeon. And the pigeon has been 25 times faster. However, this system makes certain sites inaccessible – not because of viruses, but because of cats.
2. Ellen DeGeneres is going to replace Paula Abdul on American Idol. Unfortunately, because federal law requires the panel to maintain the same average IQ, the other judges will have to be replaced with bowling balls.
3. Mike Duvall, the California state assemblyman who bragged about sex with a lobbyist in front of an open microphone, has resigned. He said that his resignation is not an admission of an affair. It’s only an admission that like most guys, he lies about his sexual conquests. He says that his crime was merely “inappropriate story-telling”. Here are some samples of his “inappropriate story-telling” (true – hard to believe, but very very true): “She’s all ‘I am going up and down the stairs and you’re dripping out of me.’” and “So I am getting into spanking her.” Actually, considering recent political scandals, that seems like very appropriate story-telling. His supporters say he was just too literal about getting in bed with lobbyists. Although technically they weren’t in bed – they were in offices, elevators, gas station bathrooms…
4. During President Obama’s speech on healthcare, Republican congressman Joe Wilson yelled out: “You lie!” And people wonder where all these crazy people at town halls are coming from -- they’re just getting ready to run for office. Sarah Palin’s people were pretty upset, because now the crazies have a new hero.
5. Several Uighur prisoners at Guantanamo Bay will be sent to the Pacific Island nation of Palau. The Uighurs were able to bond with the Palauans, because they both have names that Americans can’t pronounce.
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