1. In Oregon, 26 biker gang members had a pile-up on a highway. Considering this is 2009, most of the injuries were arthritis-related. Police report that five of the bikers had been mixing Jack Daniels with their Metamucil.
2. Yesterday, President Obama went on five networks to talk about healthcare – CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, and… Univision? He didn’t appear on Fox, but he went on Univision? You’re trying to convince people that your healthcare plan doesn’t help illegal immigrants, and you go on a Spanish-language network instead of Fox? That’s like having your manhood questioned, but instead of giving a speech at a local NASCAR event, you go to the premiere of the new “Twilight” movie.
3. In Britain, a house made of Legos is at risk of being torn down, because the Legoland theme park has refused to buy it. The demolition company, called Masters of Mayhem (also known as “MOM”), says the house has to be removed from the living room table by dinner time. The architect says he might call Legoland again and ask for another operator.
4. A new report by Gen. McChrystal about Afghanistan was given to Congressmen to read, but they weren’t allowed to take notes. You know, you’re just making it harder on the assistants who will actually read it, since now they have to memorize the bullet points to tell their Congressmen.
5. Today, President Obama shook hands with the governor of New York, David Paterson, which helped defuse reports that Obama isn’t happy with Paterson’s polling numbers. However, when Obama left, he gave Paterson a kiss.
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