6AM: Wake up
8AM: Surrender to police
8:30AM: Arrive at office
10AM: Surrender to police
12:30PM: Lunch
3PM: Karaoke. Favorite song: “Sweet Surrender”
5PM: Leave office
6PM: Surrender to call girl wearing police uniform
7PM: Dinner
8PM: Surrender, Dorothy
11PM: Surrender to sleep
3AM: Surrender to SWAT team coming through windows
2. The White House released a photo of President Obama’s daughter Sasha sneaking up on him at work. There was also video footage:
3. Iran now has its first female cabinet minister in 30 years. She’s extremely conservative, which means if she has a bad day, her sister can replace her without anyone knowing, since they have the same eyes.
4. In a new interview, Megan Fox casually wondered if she has mental problems. Not unlike the people who keep publishing whatever comes out of her mouth.
5. The FDA just found a whole frog in a can of diet soda. However, the soda maker claims that’s the “diet” part -- once you see the frog, you’re going to stop drinking soda.
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