8/8

1. I have a prediction that in the year 2100, you’ll hear conversations like this: “I read that the president had an affair!” “What? Where did you hear that?” “In the New York Times!” “That tabloid? Talk to me when it’s in the National Enquirer.”

2. A lot of people are worried about the financial crisis at Fannie Mae and its sister company Freddie Mac. But I’m more interested that one of our major financial institutions is a transvestite. Freddie Mac is a sister company?

3. Today, the Russian military invaded the neighboring country of Georgia. Russia says that it is just protecting Russian citizens there, because people should be able to choose their own destiny! Yes! As long as you’re not in Kosovo or Chechnya. That’s different. Then you should respect a country’s territorial integrity. And almost every leader in the world called for an end to the fighting. Have you ever heard of a leader NOT doing that? “Oh yeah! Get ‘em! More fighting! Who’s got high-definition TV? National holiday so we can all go home and watch the fighting!”

4. A 44-pound abandoned cat in New Jersey has been adopted by the Center for Treating Phobias in Mice. “Go on! He can’t catch you! Work through your fear!”

5. Rapper Snoop Dogg has now made his Indian Bollywood movie debut, in which he claims: “Represent the Punjabi” (true - see below). Maybe he thinks ‘Punjabi’ is a type of marijuana. “Is that like ganja?” I hear he thought it was an ‘urban drama’, and it was already too late by the time he realized it was actually a ‘turban drama’. He and the Indians also bonded over having the same attitude towards women. “Hey, these guys know how to treat their bitches!”