1. A priest in Italy is holding the world’s first beauty pageant for nuns. Now, is anybody surprised that the priest is from Italy? There will be categories for “Best Habit”, “Biggest Rosaries”, and “Least Likely to Be the Virgin Mary”. The priest said that people will vote over the internet, because that is something you definitely want to remain anonymous for. He also stressed that there will be no bathing suit competition. Thank God! I mean, well, you know what I mean. A parade of nuns in bathing suits. That sounds like my recurring fifth-grade nightmare.
2. Housing sales increased in July, mainly because the government had to find more places to put all the foreclosed people.
3. Warner Brothers studio is suing an Indian film studio for releasing a big movie about a 10-year-old boy in England who gets involved in a big secret world hidden behind our own, called, this is true, “Hari Puttar”. Hmm, I wonder where they came up with that one? The head of the Indian film studio said, and I quote: “In my opinion, I don’t think our title has any similarity or links with Harry Potter.” Turns out, he hadn’t actually seen Harry Potter and thought that it was a movie about a werewolf who makes pots.
4. The Olympics ended this weekend, allowing the Chinese government to immediately arrest all of its medal-winning athletes for talking to foreign news reporters.
5. A village in Serbia has unveiled a statue of Bob Marley, because they’re into people with big wild hair and alternative medicines. [Show picture of Serbian war criminal Radovan Karadzic with his giant flowing disguise hair.]
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