8/22

1. Joe Biden commutes to work every day by Amtrak, because he likes to have a little time by himself.

2. So Barack Obama has chosen Senator Joe Biden of Delaware to be his vice president, who will help him gain the vital votes of, um, Delaware. Yeah, that’s going to be useful. I hear Obama was also considering someone from the island of Guam.

3. Scientists have now discovered how it’s possible for brilliant stars to form around black holes. Yeah, I always wondered how Amy Winehouse did it.

4. A new law in Nebraska lets parents legally abandon their children at hospitals all the way until the age of 19. Oh man, is that going to be tempting. And isn’t that called college? Can you imagine some 19-year-old kid, visiting home from college, and his parents are like, “Hey, let’s take a ride.” And what if you took the kid back. He would never trust going on a ride with you again. It would be like how dogs learn the word “vet”.

5. A man in Michigan has bought or leased a new Cadillac every year for 53 years. You think eventually he’d figure out these things keep breaking down.