1. A new animated Star Wars movie is coming out this weekend. They got rid of the actors, because that’s what really held back the recent Star Wars movies, right? Actors like Ewan MacGregor, Samuel L. Jackson, Natalie Portman, Liam Neeson -- always holding back those wonderful plots and animated characters. The title of the new movie is “The Clone Wars”, which refers to the battle between the great George Lucas and the alien-created clone that took over his life and started making horrible movies.
2. Some people say they’ve discovered a Bigfoot body. They released a picture of the Bigfoot too. Can we see that? [Show Bigfoot with an added name tag and blue apron.] Apparently the Bigfoots mated with another legendary creature - the drug store cashier. Many are rumored to exist, but few have ever been seen.
3. The winner of the 100-meter dash is a guy named Usain Bolt. “Bolt“. And people say that God has a sense of irony.
4. Some girls underwear connected to the movie “High School Musical 2” has been recalled after complaints that it’s sexually suggestive. You see, it has the words “Dive In!” on it. But, you know, if you reach the point where a boy is reading that, I think you’ve already dived in.
5. Norway has now given knighthood to a penguin. Maybe it’s an apology for all the oil slicks.
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