1. Hospitals in 23 states, bless them, will no longer charge for big mistakes. That’s nice. I can’t believe this wasn’t the policy before. California doesn’t have it. New York hospitals have decided that people don’t have to pay for mistakes like, this is true: surgery on the wrong body part! “Well, we’re finished taking out your kidney.” “I came here for an ingrown toenail!” “Ooo, too bad. The kidney is more expensive.” And my favorite: surgery on the wrong patient! If you went to the hospital for an ingrown toenail, and they take out your kidney, most states have no policy saying that the hospital can’t charge you for it anyway. In Georgia, they won’t charge you if they give your baby to someone else. Artificial insemination with the wrong donor’s sperm or egg in Tennessee. “Well, looks like that serial killer got to have a kid after all.” “Our kid is Chinese.” Pennsylvania: “Unexpected removal of organ” or “Unexpected amputation of limb”. Utah had a lot of radiation ones.
“Is there a Dave Johnson here?” “Um, I’m Dave Johnson.” “Okay, get him on the gurney for kidney surgery.” “But I’m just here for shingles!” “Patient showing signs of delusion.”
“How about you pay me for the nightmares that I get just reading about this stuff?”
2. Scientists say that running can slow the aging process. As long as you run at the speed of light. But then you gain infinite mass and have a heart attack.
3. The French far-right political party the National Front is selling its headquarters to a Chinese company. As long as none of the workers stay. Native Americans might be able to give you some warnings about that.
4. In India, the government has begun spraying urban landfills with perfume. Can they send some to NYC for the subways?
5. President Bush said about the Russian invasion of Georgia: “Russia has invaded a sovereign neighboring state and threatens a democratic government elected by its people. Such an action is unacceptable in the 21st century.” The 20th, yes. [Show graphic of Serbia and Kosovo.] But not the 21st. For god’s sake, we have iPods now!
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