1. Yesterday, a guy in Ohio bought a truck with 16 coffee cans full of coins. The dealer was flabbergasted. “You’re buying a truck?! With gas prices this high?!” Apparently the guy doesn’t believe in paper money, because you can burn it. Well, in my experience, if the fire is hot enough, anything will burn. Plus, flammability might be a lot nicer to have this winter.
2. In Switzerland, authorities tried to find a giant balloon in the shape of a dog turd that the wind blew away. Residents didn’t report it, because they were hiding in their homes, too scared that the dog would come back.
3. Scientists have discovered that octopuses use six tentacles for arms and two for legs. This is opposed to my roommate, who uses all of his limbs as arms. [Act out opening door with foot.]
4. China has vigorously said that it is living up to pledges made before the Olympics, including a pledge to contribute $20 to the Buena Park Little League. Those kids are just too adorable to refuse.
5. U.S. prices have risen by 5.6% this year, the highest in more than 17 years. It was much higher than economists had predicted, since most of them live in self-contained biospheres. One economist said: “If we don’t get an unexpected shock that pushes commodity prices back up, this might be the worst inflation news that we’ll get for a while.” Sooo, prices won’t go back up any more - unless they do. Thanks.
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