1. A plane from Germany made an emergency landing because of a leaking can of soup. They tried to say it was because of allergies, but really there was no vacuum and the Germans just couldn’t stand the mess.
2. Yesterday, the FBI arrested a man who leaked some songs from the new Guns N’ Roses album. They had to let him go, though, because the statute of limitations had expired for still caring about Guns N’ Roses.
3. Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska has won the Republican primary there, but is now in a tough battle with his Democratic opponent. An Alaskan Democrat. Wow, we’ll finally get to take them off the Endangered Species List. They were having trouble from hunters up there for awhile.
4. A U.S. official said that Russia’s invasion of Georgia shows that it is weak. Really? I’d hate to see what they would do if they were strong.
5. I keep seeing headlines like “Bill Clinton Backs Obama for President”. Well that’s nice. That’s not news. “Bill Clinton Tells Obama to Stuff It”. That’s news.
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