1. I saw a sign at a Washington Mutual bank saying: “Worried about your mortgage? Come see us!” No, thank you, I think you’ve already done enough. You know why I’m worried about my mortgage? Because you apparently took my money and gave it to the homeless guy down the street looking to refurbish his cardboard box. “This man is a fine candidate for a loan!”
2. Some of Hillary Clinton’s supporters have been saying they would rather vote for John McCain than Barack Obama. Wow, and you thought Obama’s supporters were like a cult. Maybe they’re dazzled by the way that Clinton and McCain both have c’s and n’s in their names.
3. A new study says that people with manic disorders have more sex. Well, it certainly worked for Mick Jagger.
4. The makers of Barbie dolls won a lawsuit against the makers of the Bratz dolls, because the Bratz creator came up with the idea while working for Barbie. They got about $40 million, but they asked for $2 billion. $2 billion! “Hey kids! It’s the new Billion Dollar Lawsuit Barbie! Watch her destroy other companies with Tort Lawyer Ken!”
5. Last night, Governor Mike Schweitzer of Montana gave his speech at the Democratic National Convention, and he lit up the house. Literally, he started a brush fire. No, it was a great speech. Partly because he hypnotized them with his bolo tie. [Move hand back and forth where the tie would be, saying “You are getting sleepy…”]
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