1. Barack Obama gave his acceptance speech last night at the Democratic National Convention. He said that the election wasn’t about him - it was about us. Really? I didn’t know we were running. I think we’re going to need a bigger White House. Can we all fit in there? This would certainly solve the housing crisis.
2. An airline in Canada is getting rid of life vests to save on fuel. That’s reassuring. Maybe next they’ll get rid of some passengers. “Oil hit $160 a barrel! Out you go!”
3. Scientists have discovered that houseflies can sense when a hand is about to swat them and plan out their escape. The scientists say that it’s very similar to what Madonna does. Just when you think pop culture is going to swat her down, bam! She escapes and pops up someplace else.
4. There’s going to be a movie about the creators of Facebook. So when people bug you about getting a Facebook account, you can just say you already saw the movie.
5. Anthropologists have found “lost towns” in the Amazon that used to be full of people and importance, but have now been completely overgrown by forest. So now they know what to look forward to in Crawford, Texas.
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