8/15

1. Russia has warned Poland that it’s exposing itself to attack by signing a missile defense deal with the United States. Actually, Poland exposed itself to attack by recklessly placing itself next to Russia. A lot of people wanted to put Poland in the South Pacific, but no, the idiots in charge didn’t want to give up the chance to bag some hot Scandinavian women.

2. Did you hear what Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps eats for breakfast? Three fried egg sandwiches; three chocolate-chip pancakes; a five-egg omelette; three slices of French toast; and hopefully a diet soda. A dietician said “The Phelps diet is not recommended for everyone.” Really? I don’t think the Phelps diet is recommended for a family of five.

3. Because of high airline prices, instead of France, some people are traveling to Quebec in Canada. And in New York, some people are just riding the 7 train for an extra stop.

4. The FDA now says that a controversial chemical found in plastic bottles is safe. Is this the same FDA that said global warming was a hoax? And the chemical is made from oil. Why should we be finding even more ways to pay for oil? Don’t we already have enough? And this one is killing us directly. Is there anything non-toxic made from oil?

5. A man in New Zealand has set a record by doing 103 bungee jumps in 24 hours. He said, “Once you get over the fear, it’s really, really enjoyable.” Like eating at White Castle.