1. Did you see the latest weather in Beijing? This is the first time volunteers at the Olympic marathon won’t just be passing out water -- they’ll be passing out oxygen tanks.
2. Microsoft is now working on new software to prepare for the day when Windows becomes obsolete. They’re calling it Midori, which is also the name of a brand of liqueur - specifically the one that Microsoft executives thinking about the end of Windows have been drinking. A lot.
3. A lot of oysters in France are dying, because of a virus that makes them put too much energy into their sex organs. It’s kind of odd that oysters have their own aphrodisiacs, isn’t it? That’s like fish eating blueberries because they’re brain food. And a virus that makes them put all of their energy into their genitals? I think that virus attacks teenage boys too.
4. Thailand has banned the video game Grand Theft Auto IV. Not because of the game’s rampant dangerous driving, prostitution, and corrupt police -- they’ve already got that in Thailand. No, they’re worried that the game might make people start growing facial hair.
5. Scientists have found the world’s smallest snake on the Caribbean island of Barbados. Previously, the world’s smallest snake was believed to be a Malibu-based paparazzi.
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