1. Barack Obama is going to be featured in a Spider-Man comic book. But considering what some people are expecting from him, I’m surprised he isn’t getting his own comic book. As if he was bitten by a radioactive policy memo. [put fingers to temples and stare hard] “The economy will be strong again! Bam!”
2. A rare venomous mammal in the Dominican Republic has been taken alive for the first time. Of course, the last venomous mammal to be taken alive was a speckled paparazzi in Malibu. In Hollywood, venomous mammals aren’t actually very rare.
3. In nine states, the cost of government health care for people who get laid-off is higher than the money they get from unemployment. So at least they won’t die, because the hospitals will take them when they start starving.
4. A kidnapped girl was recently found through a Google search. That’s why Britney Spears keeps coming up on Google searches - people just think she’s been kidnapped.
5. Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich has finally been impeached. Really, it hasn’t happened yet? I thought this was all done. I’ve moved on to the latest Lindsay Lohan story.
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