1. Yesterday in New Jersey, some deer broke into an elementary school and trashed a supply room. Yes, New Jersey - where even Bambi is a felon. Luckily, the kids were able to handle it, since most of them were armed.
2. Yesterday, a court awarded $240,000 to a man who was forced to cover up his Arabic t-shirt on an airplane. And today, airports were flooded with Wall Street bankers in Arabic t-shirts. “I’ll cover it up for just $50,000!”
3. Did you hear about these six-year-old kids in Germany who were trying to go to Africa to get married? They got caught while waiting for the train. That would never happen in New York, because by the time the train arrived, the children would be old enough to marry legally.
4. Yesterday, a six-year-old boy in Virginia missed his bus to school, so instead, he decided to drive his mom’s car. He ran off the road several times before hitting an embankment. Now that kid should get “Student of the Year”. If I ever missed the bus when I was a kid, hey, no school for me! But this six-year-old - “I must get my education!” Mark my words, in twenty years, this kid is going to be the next software mogul. Or a reality TV star.
5. In Nigeria, a new motorcycle helmet law is running into trouble, because motorcycle taxi passengers say drivers use helmets to cast spells on them. And I can believe them, because many taxi drivers in the U.S. cast “umbrella spells” on passengers. “You will leave your umbrella behiiinnd.”
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