1. The plane that crashed into the Hudson River was hit by geese, and some people are asking how geese could be so stupid to fly into an airliner. But you have to remember, these are the geese that were too stupid to fly south for the winter. What are they still doing in New York? Goose TV is interviewing their relatives in Florida saying: “Yeah, we all kind of thought this would happen to Bob. Ever since he accidentally tied his neck in a knot.”
2. Citigroup, one of the largest banks in the world, is going to split into two different companies. One company will focus on what has become Citigroup’s main business in recent years, and the other will focus on safe logical investments.
3. Circuit City has announced that it will change its name to “Short Circuit” City.
4. Boy George has been jailed for falsely imprisoning a male escort in his apartment. So, it’s okay to truthfully imprison someone? “Hey, we’re going to imprison you now. We’re not lying about it. These are actually handcuffs.”
5. The upper Midwest is having its coldest weather in years. They’re pleading for Obama to come there and just smile. That should raise the temperature by at least 30 degrees.
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