1. Hillary Clinton has now been endorsed by the Senate to be secretary of state. She said she wants to use “smart power” to negotiate with other countries. Wow, that’s quite a change from Bush!
2. Nancy Pelosi says that the latest economic stimulus is designed to give “the biggest bang for the buck”. Which means your money is now going to actually explode, instead of just metaphorically explode. However, the stimulus doesn’t have everything Obama wanted. For example, there will be no message of hope added to every package of ramen noodles. “Don’t worry! Someday you won’t have to eat this!”
3. Patrick Swayze, who is undergoing treatment for cancer, says that his secret weapon is his wife Lisa. Apparently, her skin contains a chemical that is very good for fighting cancer, so he had her killed and turned into pills.
4. Obama’s new presidential limo is being nicknamed “The Beast”. Now doesn’t that help balance out the whole hope thing? The limo has a completely sealed interior to protect against chemical attacks. Its tires can keep going even when they’re flat. And most intimidating of all, it can shoot out a full-size Hillary Clinton.
5. So Google has finally been hit by the recession and will lay off people working on its less-successful projects. Unlike its search engine and e-mail, other offerings are much less popular, like “Google Frying Pan”, which lets you cook breakfast on your keyboard. Or “Google Random Fun”, which erases your hard drive if you press a secret combination of keys. That one’s also known as “Windows”.
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