5/1

1. Two pieces of dinosaur dung which are now solid rock were sold in New York City. Dinosaurs obviously weren’t eating enough fiber.

2. The Greek island of Lesbos is suing a gay rights organization for using the name “lesbian”. Similar suits against Quentin Tarantino are coming from the island of Motherfuck.

3. President Bush has offered $770 million in international food aid to help with soaring food prices. Unfortunately, all the money is going to buy pork rinds.

4. Magician David Blaine has set a new world record by holding his breath for over 17 minutes on the Oprah Winfrey show. The previous record was 16 minutes, also set on the Oprah Winfrey Show, when one of the audience members was so excited, she stopped breathing.

5. New research has found that some computer keyboards have more harmful bacteria than toilets. In fact, one keyboard they tested had five times more germs than a toilet seat. Of course, that keyboard was owned by Pamela Anderson, so it’s not really a big surprise.