5/10

1. President Bush’s daughter Jenna got married over the weekend. My god, is there nothing this man won’t do to improve his polling numbers?

2. Hillary Clinton’s team attacked Barack Obama today for ignoring West Virginia. Well, I guess that’s the end of those ‘elitist’ claims -- he’s just like the rest of us.

3. In Florida the other day, a pelican was flying high in the sky and then just dive-bombed to the earth, smacking a woman in the face. And they’ve nicknamed the pelican “Bill Clinton‘s Reputation”.

4. Tomorrow is Mother’s Day here in the United States. This led Hillary Clinton to change her tactics yet again, and claim that people should vote for her in honor of the day. Obama’s team helped her cause when many were heard saying: “That mother…”

5. A giant sinkhole in Texas has recently swallowed a huge amount of oil equipment. Oh my god, the Earth is taking its oil back!