5/14

1. The U.S. government has now listed the polar bear as a threatened species. However, Canada has still not listed polar bears as threatened, even though they make up half the population.

2. A group of scientists are now calling some whales the “cheetahs” of the deep. They don’t mean “cheetahs” like the cats, though - the scientists are just from Boston and they’re tired of losing to the whales at poker.

3. A new cleansing vapor may be able to wipe out the superbug bacteria from hospitals. This is important, because they find the superbug all over hospitals. Sort of the way they find, at least according to my TV, loooove.

4. Jack Black has revealed to the world that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are going to have twins. Because one of them is his. C’mon, do you really think that she could resist him, being that close, when all she has at home is this Brad guy?

5. John Edwards has endorsed Barack Obama for the Democratic nomination. Although the Clinton camp had been courting his endorsement, as soon as it was announced, they dismissed it. “Just because he represents exactly the kind of voter that we’ve been counting on for the past few weeks. This election is about who is the most electable, in, um, upstate Idaho.”