1. On Friday, a 19-year-old was elected mayor of the city of Muskogee, Oklahoma. Nineteen. Originally, he wanted to be head of fund raising for Barack Obama, but they told him he was too old.
2. In Naples, Italy, frustrated residents are burning the mountains of garbage that have been piling up for months, because the city’s government has been unable to get rid of them. Yeah, I tried doing that with all the dead hookers in my neighborhood.
3. In Great Britain, the government has voted to allow research into embryos that combine human and animal genes. Right now, this only applies to the embryos of my neighbor - those are not human sounds coming through that wall some nights.
4. A man in Ohio has lost his final appeal to stay in the United States, because an Ohio judge ruled that he was a guard in a Nazi prison camp. Now, normally, I would go along with a ruling like that, but this guy was found not guilty by Israel. Israel! If Israel says that you weren’t a Nazi, then I think I’m going to go with that. It’s like Rush Limbaugh saying you’re not a liberal.
5. In African nation of Mozambique, all of the police are going to have to do special physical training, because the government says they are too fat to chase criminals. It would be even worse, but with food prices so high, most robbers don’t have the strength to run more than a few feet. And can we send some of our police to that training?
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