5/15

1. John Edwards came out in support of Barack Obama yesterday. And when I say “came out”, I mean he and Obama are going to California to get married. Did you hear? California’s Supreme Court legalized gay marriage today. Environmentalists are upset, however, because of all the trees that will have to be cut down for US magazine’s special 500-page celebrity wedding issue.

2. Divers in France have found the oldest known sculpture of Roman leader Julius Caesar at the bottom of a river. Can we get a picture of that? [Show sculpture with John McCain’s face superimposed on it.] He looked so much younger back then.

3. In Israel, President Bush gave a speech saying that “some seem to believe that we should negotiate with the terrorists and radicals.” And even though this could refer to a lot of people, Barack Obama said that it was a direct attack on just him. I think Clinton’s gotten him a little too punchy. Like when he slammed Hershey’s for coming out with a new brand of bitter chocolate. “Yeah, like they didn’t know what they were doing.”

4. World food prices went down in April for the first time in 15 months. However, most of that was just because paper and fingernails had been officially designated “food”.

5. In Greece, doctors removed a girl’s absorbed fetal twin from her stomach. Is that what happened to Kirby Puckett?