5/26

1. Apparently, Hillary Clinton is talking a lot about her religious faith during the Democratic primary in Puerto Rico, because it’s going to take a miracle for her to get the nomination.

2. NASA is celebrating, because they say their Phoenix Lander has successfully set down on Mars, where it began sending back pictures of the barren landscape. But things cooled down when the barren landscape turned out to be someone’s refrigerator.

3. Did you hear that a minor league baseball player was recently traded for 10 bats? Didn’t the Emancipation Proclamation take care of this? Did they check his teeth too?

4. Former President Jimmy Carter says that Israel’s treatment of the Palestinians is one of the worst human rights crimes on Earth. He also said that Israel has about 150 nuclear weapons. And they’re all pointed at his house.

5. So the new Indiana Jones movie earned $126 million at the box office this weekend. Now that‘s worth more than any boring old crystal skull. The sequel should be “Indiana Jones and the Ludicrous Box Office Receipts”.