5/22

1. John McCain has now rejected the endorsement of televangelist John Hagee, after footage emerged of Hagee saying that God sent Hitler to help Jews reach the promised land. No, actually I think God sent Hitler to let us know who the insane bigoted public figures are. There’s nothing quite like a Hitler quote for that, is there? Other things, you’re like: “Well, yeah, that’s pretty bad, but maybe it got taken out of context.” But Hitler can’t be taken out of context.

2. A new study says that not eating can help cure jet lag, because humans will stay awake until we find food. Hey, how do you think Taco Bell managed to stay in business?

3. A guy in Canada just lost a court case where he found a dead fly in his bottled water. He said it made him depressed. Now, this might seem ridiculous, until you see the guy. [Show footage from the movie “The Fly”.] So it was much more personal for him. You know, I wonder if turning into a giant fly might have had anything to do with his depression.

4. So apparently last night on “American Idol”, many people’s TiVos cut out right as the final name was being announced. So if that was you, I’ll let you know now that the winner was [name guest that night on the show]. And coincidentally he is going to be on our show tonight! So stick around! Aren’t you lucky?

5. I was reading how the airlines are having a hard time because the cost of fuel is so high now, and they said that American Airlines has $4 billion in cash reserves, but they could blow through that “fairly quickly”. Now that might seem hard to believe, until you realize they recently hired Heather Mills.