1. The classic painting “The Scream” is now back on display after being stolen a few years ago. [Show picture of the painting while saying the next line.] The painting, of course, depicts a recent Democratic voter.
2. This is true - a car dealership in Missouri is now offering a free gun with every purchase of a car. Customers can pick either the gun or a card good for $250 of gas. Of course, these days, the gas card is only good for a couple weeks, but the gun will be with you for a lot longer than that! Plus, once you have the gun, getting free gas is pretty easy.
3. One of the founders of Google, Larry Page, is in Washington to try to get Congress to allow more companies to use parts of the airwaves called “white spaces”. Like Hillary Clinton has been using the “white spaces” to scoop up extra votes.
4. John McCain has released his medical records to dispel fears that he is too old to be president. Actually, after the beatings that Obama and Clinton have been giving each other, he’s healthier than either of them.
5. Rapper Kanye West has been sued for making jazz samples. This is in contrast to R. Kelly, who is on trial for making jizz samples.
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