1. Michael Jackson’s dermatologist has denied being the father of Jackson’s children. Said the dermatologist: “ I can’t be the father. I never had sex with Michael Jackson.”
2. A U.S. veteran who said he parachuted into France on D-Day has been exposed as a liar. People should have been suspicious when he started talking about the cage and cable. "No, sir, I think that’s a Parachute Drop ride."
3. Yesterday, North Korea launched a cyber-attack on the United States and South Korea. However, it had to use computers in South Korea (true). That’s because all the computers in North Korea have been boiled for food.
4. When officially censuring Governor Mark Sanford, South Carolina Republicans said it would be the party’s “last word on the matter” -- not so much for legal reasons, but just as a hint to Sanford.
5. A man in Delaware was arrested for driving with no pants. He was originally pulled over for speeding, because every time he tried to shift to a lower gear, he had an orgasm.
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