1. My British friends in the United States always seem conflicted about the Fourth of July. They don’t want to be party poopers, but we are celebrating their country’s greatest-ever defeat. I mean, I’ve got nothing against my ex-girlfriend, but I don’t want to go to her annual picnic celebrating our break-up.
2. In violation of international law, North Korea launched several ballistic missiles on the Fourth of July. It’s reported that two North Koreans accidentally blew off fingers.
3. Joey Chestnut set a new world record at the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest in New York -- 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Or as they call it on cruise ships -- breakfast.
4. Scientists now say they’ve created the coldest place in all of outer space. They still won’t say how they managed to hold the divorce trial of Jon and Kate up there.
5. The Australian Navy is investigating whether male sailors gave cash prizes for sleeping with female sailors. The thing is, it would have been fine if they’d been filming it for a reality TV show. And what they didn’t know, is that the female sailors were giving each other cash prizes for how many male sailors they could officially classify as douchebags.
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